It's only saturday and I feel like it's been a week since friday began. With that in mind, I'm about to ramble. I'm going to say whatever words form a sentence in my mind.
I want to dance with masks on carpet floor. On red carpet, we will elope, each mask a different dance. I waltz, tango, free form, scat dance, all of these things. All night long. I can't escape it. My feet are bleeding, my shoes are cracking, but I cannot stop dancing. The masks mock me, representing different parts of my life. I keep twirling and moving through them, as they smile crookedly at my sad attempts to make rhythm. I'm fighting back the urge to dance, but it's almost as if I must. If I don't, then something bad will happen. I'm not sure what, but it will surely bring about the end of my sanity.
I want to be dipped in bleach. I want it to fill my every orifice, cleaning my body from the inside out. I want to be soaked in it, I want it to consume me. I want to come out of it new and clean. I want to snap my head back and sniff as hard as possible. I want to scream and shout at everything and everyone. I do. I yell out obscenities, I yell out profanity, I yell out song lyrics, bible verses, memorized lines, monologues, recipies, combinations, colors, people's names, pet's names, places, verbs, adjectives, nouns, sounds, dates, and numbers, locations, statistics, memories, dreams, and stories. I yell for hours, but no one hears me. No one cares. I weep for all the people who don't see. Who can't see. I try to make them see, but they are all blind. Blind to what I'm saying. Deaf to what I'm trying to show them. They close their ears and shut their eyes.
Today was a bad day. Michael 11-20-10, 4:09pm
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